A ‘No’ and a ‘Fear’

Um, it’s been a very long time since I posted anything on my blog. It’s all because of the sudden turn of things in my life.

First of all, I’m advised by my blog readers (who are basically my friends and cousins) not to post anything sad and melancholic on my site and if I wished to do so still, I was asked to quit blogging.

This ain’t the exact reason for my temporary disappearance though. But, before I go into my advising part, let me first convey this – I write when I’m sad. My stories have a happy ending or a sad one depending on my mood and my take of life. But, in the most cases, my sad times motivate me to write on a sadder note and that’s why my previous short stories are a bit gloomy.

When happy times intersect my life, I’m too overjoyed to pen down something. So, I ultimately lose the momentum. But, it’s not so in the recent times for me. My sadness has forced me to stay idle ‘wantonly’.

And, this is the time, realization has dawned on me, that all the pain is due to ‘REJECTION’ and ‘FEAR’ – It’s more of like I analyzed with my own algorithms, stats and data points, just kidding! 😉

It’s a mere observation of the people around me, their current and past which led me to this deliberate thinking and made me narrow down to these factors – Rejection and fear.

Admit it, almost at some point in your life you must have worried about your career and future. The very thought of how you’re gonna achieve what you wanted to be must have created an invisible fear around you.

For those of who with a clear passion for a great career, only the question “How?” must have lingered.

But, for those with a passion (or unclear if they really have one), yet do not wish to take that one step forward, you’re the ones I’m talking about right now.

You hesitate because you’re afraid if you’d be rejected. Right?

I was watching Ted Talks recently and happened to stumble on a speech wherein the Speaker rightly pointed out that we forego our careers just because of ‘human relationships’. He made a dramatic pause, which made me wonder, what exactly he meant by a ‘relationship?’ He answered my mind query immediately.

He says, in the process of being a great friend, a great child, a great spouse, a great parent, we sacrifice a great career.

Top notch!

I knew he hit the right note. I paused his video and mused upon my life.

Yes, in order to be a great child to my parents and fetch them respect from society, I don’t share with them what my real passion is.

In order to be a great friend, I sometimes forego my writing-in-progress or anything else, I offer myself online just to be the great support they want me to be. (No, I don’t mean to say, stop relieving your friends from stress, let ’em break their own head.) All I mean is that, when you get down to work (even if it’s on a hobby), show your professionalism and don’t interact until you’re done (if you’re so damn serious about your passion).

In order to become a great spouse, I deliberate if my passion would be enough to feed my entire family. So, I sacrifice my sleep just to know, if I’ll have the potential to be sold in a marriage if I get a meager salary from the job I love and if my would-be be okay with it. It’d be so easy for someone to say it’s okay if you wanna pursue your passion before wedding, but once an institution called ‘Family’ emerges, to make ends meet, to travel, to enjoy leisurely things, our money might just not be enough. We ourselves won’t be able to realize the dreams we’ve at present to be enjoyed after we wed someone. So, we forego our passion.

In order to be a great parent and to provide all the basic amenities plus the surpluses to our kids, we literally sacrifice our dreams.

Back to the play button, he pointed out that these are all our excuses to hide ourselves beneath the fear and rejection blanket.

I envy those who pursue their passion, despite facing too many rejections in the initial stage itself. Those are the ones who’ve learnt to strive through hard times unlike us weaklings who’re seeking refuge through lame excuses.

The phrase – “If only I had,” will hurt you at some point in life if you don’t go for what you desired. It’s not too late though. Find out your priorities in life. Maybe, write them down and work on your improvements needed.

But, now I’m gonna rewind back to rejection as I’m not here to talk about careers and stuffs alone but instill a bit of practicality into you.

When all my family members joined the monstrous sea of ‘Whatsapp’, I felt that there enveloped a communication disturbance among us.

The most irritating time for me would be the bed time when everyone’s noses are nosed into their mobile screens and even the habit of wishing ‘Good Night’ disappeared.

A help goes unheeded, and I’ve heard this saying often, “If you don’t mind, can I aid you later?”

Such busy times are devoted His Lordship – Mobile.

Even, this is a form of rejection – failure to recognize your physical presence.

You know, just to let my friends and family know I’m sad or crying, I change my status and profile picture every time. A tear evoking display picture appeals more to their sight than my real tears.

All I want is someone to ask me if I’m okay everyday. A few does, I don’t deny that. But, ask them what has been my first reply to such a question. It is ‘Nothing.’ And my closest ones do know that when I mean nothing, there’s always a something. So, they try digging deeper. But a few, frustrated with my regular attitude, just pitch in an angry smiley to spell things out from my mind. But, what I really do is different. I hide my original reasons unintentionally, just so I don’t let them see what they want to. Because they’re not bothered to inquire what state of mind I’m in before they barge with harsh comments.

To such people, this is what I wanna say – ‘No matter how cloooosssseee you think you’re with me, you only know to the extent I allow you to know. You never know what’s actually running through my mind. So, the next time, before you offer a comment, “you’re being silly to cry for nothing,” do realise you’re not going through what I’m going through.’

This might sound silly to you. But, at times, communication failure leads to a lot of problems.

That’s when I realize, how long can a person walk along with you? You miss them? Tell them immediately. You wanna appreciate? Don’t hesitate.

After all, opportunities can be lost in the blink of an eye.

All the 9-5 jobs or 9 hours working jobs loathe about their flexible timing, but I hear them all slaving for more than 12 hours. And all this while, my Dad is frustrated if my sister exceeds her working hour of 7 hours. Irony! 😀

I’m comprehending now that, as times progress, the time I step into my career and get married, me and my machine husband, have to long for weekends to arrive so that we could grab some late morning sleep, have a brunch and go out for the ‘travel’ – dinner! 😉

Or rather, I’d have to text him to eat the breakfast that I’ve placed on the table, text my mom to ask if I could come over to her place, text my servant to finish laundry soon and what-nots!

 

What’s life all about toiling so hard but enjoying nothing?

What are you gonna do with all the money you swindle through ‘haaarrrrdddd work’? Save for your child’s future? I agree, but in that process, you curb them the view of the world. Because, travelling teaches a lot. Bonding happens there, self-satisfaction arises there..

So, all I wanna say is, give value to the person sitting right next to you now.

Shut down the technology you’re holding right now after reading this article and the person near you if they’ve eaten.

I know, your online virtual world is the way to escape reality. But sometimes, you HAVE to face it as a tender word can earn you more happiness by seeing real emotions blush through the cheek skin than the blush smileys you send on a social media.

Don’t reject the person’s presence next to you or you yourself cuz it leads to fear of sharing. Trust me, it does..

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